It's my 3rd month of being 55 and I will be honest, I have not enjoyed it at all. For some crazy, odd reason I became obsessed with trying to find my place in this world as a 55 year old. I have gladly stopped that search as I now know it makes no difference.
I have always been and always be a daughter, sister, cousin, grandchild, niece and most preciously a wife, mother and grandmothers (Mimi) and a Princess to the King Of Kings. Age makes no difference to our Jesus, he still looks at each of us as his children with more love than any of us have looked at our kids. Crazy amazing isn't it.
So instead of finding my place in this world, I honestly believe I am trying to find my place in God's story. I cherish the memories of my kids coming into this world and watching them grow, but my heart ached at how fast it all was happening and I was helpless and couldn't slow it down. Older parents understand this feeling, we only have them a little while then they are allowed to go make their own decisions while we watch hoping we have prepared them for this part of life.
Do you think our Lord feels the same way? He creates a world for us, new everyday, hoping to draw us closer to him as he leads and guides us. But at the end of the day, we all choose freely where we will go. Oh my, I know I have broken his heart so many times with choosing a different path than I knew deep down inside to go.
So I can no longer look around for my place, all I have to do is to listen with my heart not my ears nor eyes. I have to surrender my worries as that is preventing me from the blessings he has for me. I will be the first to admit that worry is my biggest hindrance to one step closer to faith.
I told my dear superman last weekend that I wish God could answer me when I talk to him, things would be so much easier. I have thought about that and Oh But He Is speaking if we will listen with our hearts. He is always speaking to us through everything, everywhere, kids he even given us a cheat sheet, a book we call the Bible that to tell us who and WHOSE we are and the great lengths he has gone through to bring us back home someday. If we all wasn't so busy trying to impress each other and would allow God back in charge of our lives and our CHURCHES, we could hear him calling us by name.
I was brought up non-denominational and that is all I know, maybe bapticostal? I do not understand denominations one bit, are we going to have denomination subdivisions in Heaven? Spending the first 47 years of my life in a more or less pentecostal environment, I get excited, I get weepy and I get joyful and a little foot stomping along the way. I would get kicked out of alot of Churches because I would start clapping to music, LOL and the hardest thing I have had to learn to do is sit down during singing at some Churches, Whoa, I am telling you, you can get your praise on sitting on your bum......hahahah....just another one of my quirks on that.
This might not make one bit of sense to anyone but me, and that is okay. I may put on my dancing shoes and do some shouting to "I'll Fly Away" now. Remember its not who you are, it's WHOSE you are that counts at your last breath.